For what happened today, an apology

    Hey all


    Today wasn't my day and I was certainly not myself either,as to what happened in this thread:
    [v] V56k

    Chosen_One , GrandAdmiralThrawn Like many others have made strong valid points of my undoings there.
    If there is any way for me to fix what I have done, I would of tried it but yet I have failed miserably again, my Autism, Dyslexia, PTSD and anxiety issues;

    I easily misread people which has resulted me with similar incidents like that of today as in the past.

    Showing you my medical reports is not possible due to to privacy regulations.
    Some may thing I am making an excuse, then so be it then that are your thoughts.

    If I need to be removed from this forum then go ahead what are you waiting for.

    But then again if that won't happen I am not perfect I never planned to be perfect I was not designed to be perfect likewise , I happen to make the same mistakes every time no matter what happens so this may not be a last time, but certainly is not a first time either.

    In the end it never matters how things turn out, I had some very bad news and that is probably what triggered me to literally lose my mind and start causing crap in this place, something certainly triggered it that I am assure of.
    And yes I have hurt myself even plan on doing worse things since nothing is going great in my head right now.


    Please do not publish highly private information such as diagnostic findings! They are confidential and are only meant for your and your doctors' eyes, not ours. Nobody here will ask for them anyway. It's not like I don't believe you either, as my experience with you has basically proven to me (or at least I do think so), that your statements about your conditions are true.

    Originally, I found it hard to deal with you (it's a lot of work, and one needs to be adaptive and careful, which doesn't always work out), but with time I think I managed somewhat. Also I do not personally mind if there's a clash of opinions now and then, even if they usually do tend so escalate somewhat. ;)

    Of course I could go ahead and tell you what I think you should do "better", but I won't. It's not like there is any really big problem or anything - at least for me. Things always do cool down after the storm, and then it's usual business once again, even if a few posts are being lost (that's unfortunate btw.) or if a few people get attacked.

    I got no problem with that, as long as there is no permanent damage, and I can't remember any ever happening.

    One thing is interesting though: You manage to wield sarcasm and cynicism as weapons in a discussion as much as anyone else does, though maybe in a more direct form, but still. Since you should have a hard time recognizing those concepts, I wonder whether you notice you're actually using them yourself. This is not an accusation; Merely a question out of pure curiosity.

    1-6000-banner-88x31-jpg

    Stolzer Besitzer eines 3dfx Voodoo5 6000 AGP Prototypen:

    • 3dfx Voodoo5 6000 AGP HiNT Rev.A-3700

    [//wp.xin.at] - No RISC, no fun!

    QotY: Girls Love, BEST Love; 2018 - Lo and behold, for it is the third Coming; The third great Year of Yuri, citric as it may be! Edit: 2019 wasn't too bad either... Edit: 2020... holy crap, we're on a roll here~♡!

    Quote Bier.jpg@IRC 2020: "Je schlimmer der Fetisch, desto besser!"

    Zitat von GrandAdmiralThrawn

    Please do not publish highly private information such as diagnostic findings! They are confidential and are only meant for your and your doctors' eyes, not ours.

    I'd say it's everybody's very own decision, what private data (of himself) one shares with the public.

    We are Microsoft of Borg. Assimilation is imminent. Resistance is... Error in Borg.dll. Press OK to abort.

    Things have not being going so well on my end I tend to react abruptly towards people even ones I See as old friends best friends or loved ones,, My father has an incurable form of bone marrow cancer, my best Uncle in France is dying he has less than 6 months to about 1 year, my dad some docs say it's 5 years some say 10 some don't even know at all, I myself am getting blackouts , almost broke my neck today almost fell down some stairs after I bought some herbal tea, I was able to latch on tot he railing in time, but I dunno what is going on for all I did here I can say I am sorry for like 200 times but it changes nothing even I mean it nothing changes I even fear coming to that VA 3dfx LAN guess my depression is back something I feel like ending my life as I see myself as useless


    Things are not going well that I know and I am deeply sorry to what I have done here I just hope Snag's card fined a good home and it's not my concern what he sells it for.

    So yeah I just dunno what to do anymore I am afraid for living afraid something will happen to me or to anyone I know dear just dunno anymore.

    I probably don't notice that myself now just sentence that form in my mind that I get from my viewpoint I guess I was stressed at the time my PTSD was active and anything just spawns in my head.

    Maybe an idea to just mute me for a day aka 24 hours so I can just time out and then post again?
    If this is a solution I am willing to accept it, that is if it helps you guys here.

    I don't even get why I Posted so rationally in that sale thread from SnaG that was not even my concern to even do that, even I did do wrong there that I know even I don't agree with what they are asking for it still I should never of posted in the way I did there, that I do see what I did wrong there.


    If the new owner wants them Q3D OpenGVS files I can give them that , Q3D gave me permission to give those to Q3D users and a V5 6000 is a Q3A AALchemy QX 4132 for that part so yeah they count.

    But all in all it's just a bad moment in my fractured life I guess. I hope everyone else here doesn't hate me if they do I shall understand it.

    Heh, there'll be no hate. ;) There never really was any of that at any point in time, actually. At least I myself haven't felt true hate for any person in the world for many years, yourself included. You may be a bit of a problem child, but well, so what?

    Anyway, given your circumstances, extreme reactions to pretty much anything are to be expected.

    LoB: Technically, you are correct. But when I made that statement, I had already taken (part of) Gold Leaders' state of mind into account, so that's why I suggested not sharing anything he might regret later. I think it was a sensible thing to say to a person who was already agitated.

    1-6000-banner-88x31-jpg

    Stolzer Besitzer eines 3dfx Voodoo5 6000 AGP Prototypen:

    • 3dfx Voodoo5 6000 AGP HiNT Rev.A-3700

    [//wp.xin.at] - No RISC, no fun!

    QotY: Girls Love, BEST Love; 2018 - Lo and behold, for it is the third Coming; The third great Year of Yuri, citric as it may be! Edit: 2019 wasn't too bad either... Edit: 2020... holy crap, we're on a roll here~♡!

    Quote Bier.jpg@IRC 2020: "Je schlimmer der Fetisch, desto besser!"

    Anyways I am coming to the VA 3dfx LAN in Thuringen.
    Yet I almost had plans of giving that up as well, but after talking with my parents and getting my clean mind in return, I have decided to still go there. with my Obsidian2 X-24 and all the Quantum3D programs I have on it all the Open GVS tech demo's etc.

    I just hope all goes well, my mind creates the worst of thoughts even they are just thoughts.

    But seeing who all will be there I think it will go just fine.

    I never traveled alone, so this is quite the step forward for me to take part of, the Lan and that V6K thread the stress both generated that actually is caused by my anxiety & PTSD attacks is why and how I reacted towards others, even it's wrong in such a moment I just see everything in negative ways and everyone around me are targets aka threats.

    But now re-seeing it all it was my mind messing me up even none of you here are actual threats, an illusion swamped my mind.

    Everything I said that day made no sense.

    But thanks for talking to me GrandAdmiralThrawn You at least understand me like SK1 & Backfire do.

    All is okay nows tho, collecting Boeing 747's as to speak.

    How would you phrase it? Norries, it's not exactly all gonna work out, but it's gonna be survivable at least. ;)

    By the way, I'm sorry I can't leave home at this time (and hence, I cannot come to any LAN parties, even though you invited me), but please do have fun nonetheless! :)

    1-6000-banner-88x31-jpg

    Stolzer Besitzer eines 3dfx Voodoo5 6000 AGP Prototypen:

    • 3dfx Voodoo5 6000 AGP HiNT Rev.A-3700

    [//wp.xin.at] - No RISC, no fun!

    QotY: Girls Love, BEST Love; 2018 - Lo and behold, for it is the third Coming; The third great Year of Yuri, citric as it may be! Edit: 2019 wasn't too bad either... Edit: 2020... holy crap, we're on a roll here~♡!

    Quote Bier.jpg@IRC 2020: "Je schlimmer der Fetisch, desto besser!"

    Yeah I'll try it, I'll be sure to have my birthday party there as well as a week after it I turn 42 lmao xD RIP lol

    They have a nice icecream cafe there seems like Coffee is my best bet , But yeah I do plan on dealing out some drinks for the least or just find a LIDL band buy some cakes leeel :topmodel: If LIDL is still a thing in DE.


    We need Dem Noms coz we gunna dai otherwise doh xD

    Praise the Rexie and all shall be fine!!

    Coming to think of it, my first 3dfx lan outside NL but also my first 3dfx related biirthday party outside NL, which is pretty cool 8)

    Einmal editiert, zuletzt von Gold Leader (16. September 2018 um 09:19)